Shatter
by 13 o'clock Erik
Summary: Nigel's always been Jordan's 'someone to lean on'. What happens when that shatters?


SHATTER

R

Nigel/Jordan (would I write anything else?) better question (Is there any other pairing in CJ that's even WORTH writing about!)

Summary: (The events of the show on March 27th inspired me to write a fic about Nige getting beat up. Sorry, I'm a bit of a sadist…) Jordan and Nigel are sent to the scene of a double homicide and Nige gets… well, you'll see. Warning: Nigel takes a lot of physical abuse in this fic.

AN: Ok, I know everyone on this site is either a Woody/Jordan fan or a Nigel/Buggles fan, but the thought of Nige snogging Bug gives me the heebie-jeebies. Ok, before every goes 'Oh you homophobic bastard!" I'm not a homophobe. It's kinda hard to be a homophobe when one is a Tranny. It's a double standard to which I do not apply. I just think everyone flies off the handle when a man hugs another man or a woman hugs another woman. It's the age-old American tradition that people who hug each other must either be related or dating. NOT TRUE PEOPLE! I hug my male neighbor, (Who does happen to be bisexual) but he's like a brother to me, I've known him for about thirteen years. Me? Dating him? Like ew… (heehee)

PS: I am quite possibly the world's second biggest N/J fan. I dare not say the biggest because Abbey, the lovely and wonderful author of London After Midnight, has already claimed that title and I shudder to think what she would do to me if I tried to take her crown away…

PPS: I was very impressed by Nigel's show of beating the smeg out of that mobster. It was awesome! This was a very good show for our Nigel! He almost made me have a heart attack when he was arguing with Buggles. It was very funny. I loved the whole minotaur/centaur thing. Twas very humourous. Now…

READ THE DAMN FIC!

&&

"Bloody hell Jordan, this place is a mess!" a disgusted voice yelled from behind her.

Jordan turned to her companion and sighed at him exasperatedly.

"I had noticed that Nigel, yes." she said, rolling her eyes at her tall British friend.

He scowled at her.

"I was just making an observation." he pouted.

The dark haired M.E. turned to Nigel and winked at him.

"I'm just teasing. We should get started, weirdo."

He frowned at her, then; without a word, began processing the body nearest to him. Jordan smiled to herself and turned to the other body; that of a middle aged man. Cause of death was surely a gunshot wound to the chest at close range. She could see the unburned gunpowder on the cloth around the wound.

She made a few notes and stole a glance at Nigel. He was scribbling furiously in his notebook, blowing a few strands of hair out of his eyes and wrinkling his forehead in concentration. She realized, as she watched him, how much he actually meant to her. Nigel was always there, always looking out for her. He was there to pick up the pieces whenever Woody dumped her or something in her life went wrong. Come to think of it, she couldn't remember a time Nigel had been anything other than good to her…

Jordan took a deep breath, then something rancid caught her attention.

"Hey Nige, do you smell that?" she asked, wrinkling her nose.

He sniffed.

"Yeah? They said there were only two bodies… Did they overlook something, you think?"

"Dunno. Smells like rotting flesh to me."

Nigel stood up and peered down the hallway.

"Whew! That's nasty that is. I'll go check it out. You'd better call the boss and tell him the news." Nigel said with a strangely cheerful countenance.

"Kay. Be careful." she warned.

If the cops had missed an extra body, what else might they have missed? Jordan watched Nigel going down the hall, a hand over his nose to block the stench. Moments later, he reappeared in the narrow passageway; a disgusted look on his face.

"Yeah," he said looking ready to retch. "There's a floater in the bathtub. Looks like it's been there for a while. Cor that's nasty…"

Jordan grinned at him.

"Silly limey, haven't you gotten over that yet?" she teased.

"'Fraid not. BLIMEY that's awful!"

"You need to go throw up?" she asked, somewhat concerned.

"Nah. Just let me get some fresh air. I'll be right back, hang tight." he said, his face going a sickly shade of green.

She smiled comfortingly at him and made her way into the bathroom to see exactly how bad a condition the body was in.

The moment she entered the bathroom and set eyes upon the grotesquely bloated carcass in the tub, she heard Nigel shout from outside. She froze as, a moment later, two shots were fired. Alarmed, she raced out to the front of the house. Nigel was wrestling with a muscular red haired man, the intruder spotted her and struggled to get out of Nigel's grip. Her hands shaking, Jordan flipped open her cell phone and yelled for back up.

"Jordan! Get the fuck out of the way!" snarled Nigel as he attempted to wrestle a gun away from the suspect.

Jordan screamed at herself to move, but her feet felt like they were glued to the ground. Nigel finally got a good punch in and knocked the man unconscious. Panting and sweating, Nigel stood up unsteadily, holding the gun carefully between thumb and forefinger. He ran a hand through sweaty hair and handed the gun to Jordan.

"Bag that for me." he said breathlessly. "Holy fuckin' shit that was close!" he exclaimed, wiping away a small trickle of blood from his mouth.

The brunette woman looked at Nigel with deep concern. His breath was coming in shallow gasps, something was wrong that he wasn't telling her. Nigel swayed unsteadily and Jordan dropped the bag containing the gun to catch him. She struggled to support the tall man as he crumpled into a heap on the grass. She gently lowered him to the ground, and somehow his bony body folding into her lap.

"Nigel!" she cried anxiously, her eyes searching his body for any visible wound

"Oh shit… Oh shit…" panted Nigel, his hand clawing at his side. "Oh shit, Jordan; love, I think I'm shot."

"Nigel…" she breathed, unsure of what to say.

She pushed back his leather jacket and revealed the bloodstain that was rapidly spreading over his blue plaid work shirt.

"Nigel, come on, hang in there. You'll be alright." she said, feeling as if she were lying… to Nigel and herself.

"Oh Jordan…" he murmured, eyes glazing over with pain, his hand traveled to her face. "Jordan, love, I'm so sorry…"

Jordan felt tears welling up in her eyes, her free hand covering her friend's bloodied fingers that lay against her cheek.

"Why Nigel? There's nothing to be sorry about." she whispered, holding him close.

"Jordan… please don't leave me." he begged, his body shaking with barely concealed pain.

She stroked his forehead lovingly, as if the mere contact could keep him with her.

"I won't leave you, love. I promise. Don't die on me Nigel. Please…"

Jordan flipped on her walkie-talkie and screamed into it.

"We have a man down! Repeat! Man down at the crime scene on Sherman Street! Send medical help ASAP! Over!"

The garbled reply felt like music to her ears.

"Help is on the way already Dr Cavanaugh. A neighbor heard the shots and called 911 several minutes ago. Over."

Jordan only cried, clutching Nigel to her as if she were the one bleeding to death in a small suburban neighborhood. Icy fingers clutched hers and she looked down at him, startled. Face stark white in contrast to the crimson blood, Nigel's eyes sought hers; asking—begging her to listen to him.

"Jordan. Jordan listen." he whispered.

"Nige, stay calm, help is coming, just hang on."

One stained finger came up to silence her. She could taste the metallic tang of blood on her lip.

"Listen. Please…I don't have much time."

She bit her lip and nodded, forcing back her hysteria.

"Jordan, I've known you for ten years, and every day of those ten years there's one thing I've wanted to tell you." he took a deep shuddering breath. "Jordan, I love you…"

She inhaled sharply, gazing down at him in shock.

"Nigel..!" but he was not looking back.

His dark eyes were closed, his head slumped against her chest, lips parted slightly.

Jordan fought the rising urge to scream in anger and frustration. How could he do this to her. How could he tell her something like that and then just leave! This was intolerable.

So engrossed in her inner dialogue, she didn't hear the ambulance pulling up to the curb. She was barely aware of the paramedics until she tried to pull Nigel from her arms. She screamed and held him closer.

"No! You're not taking him from me!" she sobbed.

"Miss. Miss, please, we're here to help." an anxious young paramedic implored.

A sudden shout brought her to her senses. Garret was standing by small squad of police cars, the red and blue lights flashing on his face.

"Jordan! Oh my god! Are you alright!" he shouted, running to her side and throwing his arms around her.

She collapsed into them, eager for someone older and wiser to help her.

"Garret. Oh god he's dead! It's my fault!" she wept, her fists clenched on her supervisor's shirt. "This can't be happening…" she moaned.

Dr Macy supported her and led her to his car. He pushed her into the passenger's seat and buckled her in.

"Jordan, try and calm down. Nigel's not dead just yet. He's a fighter. He won't give up yet." he assured her, climbing into the driver's side. Nigel was being loaded into the ambulance. Her heart clenched in her chest. The tall Brit was completely motionless, his skin pale and dead looking. She watched as the van pulled away, Garret following two police cars on the way to the hospital.

Jordan started blankly ahead, terrified for her friend's life. Terrified she would lose a love that she had never even had the chance to expierience. She prayed to whoever was listening to protect him, to keep him alive. To bring him back… to her.

&$#$&

Garret paced restlessly in the hall, waiting for word of Nigel. Jordan sat in an uncomfortable chair with her knees drawn up to her chest and her arms wrapped around her legs. She was rocking gently back and forth, eyes tightly shut. The outside doors to the ER slammed open revealing a furious looking Bug and an anxious Lily.

"Where the FUCK is Nigel!" Bug yelled furiously at the top of his Liverpudlian lungs. "I'm gonna kill him!" the diminutive man on Indian descent growled as Garret restrained him.

Lily dropped her purse and jacket and Jordan launched herself into the grief counselor's arms.

"Lily it's my fault. It's all my fault!" Jordan whimpered.

The blonde woman murmured soothing nonsense to Jordan while Garret desperately tried to restrain Bug.

"Bug! Calm down! The doctor said he would come talk to us if he had any news! BUG!" Garret fought with the smaller man for a few moments. The doors leading from the ER to the waiting room opened and a youngish man with a full beard and mustache came out, taking off his green scrub skullcap.

"Is that him? Is that Nigel's doctor?" Bug asked loudly.

"Yes, but-"

No sooner were the words out of Dr Macy's mouth that Bug was interrogating the ER doctor as is it were the next Spanish Inquisition (Monty Python!).

"What's his condition? Is he going to live! Goddamnit I could KILL him!" Bug exclaimed, teeth grinding in his fury.

The doctor held his hands up defensively.

"Whoa whoa! I come in peace. Dr Townsend is in the ICU now. One of the bullets hit a lung so he's on a ventilator right now. From what I understand, he's a fighter. He seems like he'll pull through it, but I don't want to say anything is definite right now."

Lily stepped forward, Jordan still clinging to her like a frightened child.

"Would it be alright for us to see him?" the blonde woman asked calmly.

"I don't see why not. It can't hurt him. Nancy." He stopped a nurse in the hall. "Could you show these people to Dr Townsend's room?"

"Certainly Doctor. Please follow me." she said curtly to the foursome gathered around her.

The somber group followed the rubber-heeled nurse down the bleached white hallways. The hospital smelled of vomit and urine, of the numerous disinfectants used, and death. Most of all death. Clutching Lily's arm as if it were a lifeline, Jordan shuddered, praying they were not too late.

"He's in here." the nurse said.

Jordan nervously pushed open the door, peering into the dark room.

"Go ahead Jordan. You should be with him." Garret said, having long known of Nigel's feelings for Jordan.

Jordan chewed her lips uncertainly.

"It's ok. Go ahead." Lily said, giving her a gentle nudge.

The dark haired M.E. tiptoed into the hospital room and gazed at the still figure on the sterilized hospital bed.

"Oh Nigel, I'm sorry…" she moaned, taking in the sight of Nigel; unconscious and hooked up to life support.

She took a seat in the chair beside the bed and watched him for a few moments. The only noise in the room was the steady beep of the heart monitor and the mechanical breathing apparatus that was forcing air in and out of Nigel's lungs. Tentatively, Jordan reached out and took his hand. She brought the unconscious M.E.'s lifeless hand to her mouth and pressed a kiss to it firmly.

"Nigel," she started, unsure of what to say. "Nigel I want you to wake up. Nigel… please, don't leave me before we have the chance to talk about this thing between us. I…I do need you. I've always needed you. I always will."

Jordan was silent for a few more moments, half expecting his eyes to open, to fall into the arms he opened for her. There was nothing but the steady beep and soft whoosh of the bulky machine. Her eyes teared up and head lay her head on the mattress next to him. A ray of light fell across Nigel's face as the rest of the team filed quietly in. Garret and Lily seemed to age ten years each as they looked down at the shell of their colleague, their friend.

"You fucking idiot…" Bug half whispered, his fists clenching and unclenching as he went up to the bedside. "I swear if you pull through this, and you'd better, I'll kill you myself!"

Jordan thought she heard tears in Buggle's voice. She looked up and saw that Nigel's closest and only friend was crying silently.

"Dirty rat." Bug mumbled, sinking into another chair and burying his face in his hands. "One near death a year is quite sufficient… Nigel, you idiot."

Garret caught Jordan's vacant stare and tried desperately to do all he could to comfort her.

That's how time passed for a very long three days. On the third day, Nigel's breathing tube was removed and he could breathe on his own. When Jordan saw the scrawny man's chest rising and falling without the help of a machine, she was filled with joy. Nearly hugging the next nurse who came in. No one could understand why he wasn't waking up. He wasn't in a coma, and nothing the doctors had tried had gotten him to wake up. Jordan refused to leave his side; Lily, Bug, and Garret taking turns keeping her company while she kept an eye on Nigel.

During the changing of the proverbial guard, Jordan was left alone with Nigel. She took the chance to speak to the sleeping man without anyone looking at her pityingly.

"Nigel. If you can hear me… I need to tell you something. I'm so scared of losing you. I don't want to go on if you're not going to be there." she wiped away a few errant tears. "I think I've always loved you… I think…I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you… Nigel if you can hear me, please, just squeeze my hand, do something!" she begged.

For several moments, time seemed to stand still. Jordan buried her face in her hands, letting the tears fall freely. And then-

"There's no need to shout…"

Jordan's head jerked up so fast she felt she had whiplash. Bleary eyes at half-mast gazed back at her. The slender brunette woman burst into tears, tears falling freely onto her friend's chest and neck as she hugged him over and over again.

"Jordan? What's going on!" Garret's concerned voice came from the door. "Is it-? Nigel!"

"'Lo boss." Nigel said softly, his free arm wrapped around Jordan. "How long've I been out?"

"Two, three days. How you feeling?" Dr Macy asked.

"Terrible." he croaked. "Where's Buggles?"

As if on cue-

"You fucking BASTARD! Don't you ever pull a stunt like that again!" the furious voice came from the door.

"Hello to you too Bug." Nigel grumbled.

"I'll kill you! Don't you ever do something stupid like that again!" Bug yelled.

Nigel winced, pushing Jordan in front of him as a human shield.

"Don't even think about it." she hissed. "I completely agree with Bug. You shouldn't have tried to apprehend the suspect, you're not a cop Nigel."

Jordan crossed her arms and looked at him sternly.

"Lily?" Nigel asked with desperation.

"Sorry Nige, I have to go with Bug on this one." the blonde woman replied, flipped her hair lightly.

"Dr Macy? A little help?"

Garret turned around and whistled innocently. Nigel sighed in surrender, sinking back into the pillows and closing his eyes. He suddenly felt very tired.

"Nigel? Is something wrong?" Jordan asked anxiously.

"I'm fine Jordan. I'm fine. I'm just tired." he sighed, irritated by his own sign of weakness.

Garret caught the unspoken hint and ushered Lily and Bug out of the room, leaving Jordan alone with Nigel.

"Is there something wrong Nigel?" she asked him worriedly.

"I'm sorry I put you through that, if I had-"

She lay a finger against his thin lips and leaned in close.

"It's alright. I understand." Jordan said softly.

"No. I don't think you do Jordan, love." he said quietly, turning his head away from her.

Jordan gazed at him, confused.

"What's wrong?" she asked, putting a hand on his arm.

Nigel shifted uncomfortably and struggled to sit up. Dark eyes met only slightly lighter ones, and he seemed to be trying to explain to her the contents of his soul, merely by eye contact.

"Jordan, I…" he sighed, annoyed by his own inability to express himself. "Jordan, I've been alone most of my life… Even when I was surrounded by friends, I was alone…"

"You're not alone now, Nigel."

"Oh but I am. I've never been so alone and isolated as I am now. Please… just let me talk. Or I'll never be able to get his all out…"

She nodded in acquiescence, taking Nigel's hand and meeting his solemn gaze.

"Jordan, before I met you… I thought all I needed to be happy was a pack of Marlboros and a good porno. But when you came, everything changed… You turned my whole world upside down, I quit smoking the week I met you. While I can't say the same for the porn… Anyway, I've watched you go through shitty relationship after shitty relationship, I've made sure you were taken care of… You've been nicer to me than anyone else in my life. Jordan, I don't want to be alone anymore." he sighed, staring into her eyes and searching for the answer he so desperately craved.

"Nigel, you pommy bastard. You haven't been alone! I've been with you, I've been waiting for you." she replied, irritatedly wiping away tears. "You told me before you passed out at the crime scene! I've been waiting to tell you for days!"

Nigel's eyes went round with apprehension, the M.E. leaned forward anxiously.

"I love you Nigel. I always have." she murmured, wrapping her arms around the skinny man's neck.

"Oh, love! Really?" he asked ecstatically.

"Really, love." she purred, clutching him to her. "Really."

"What about Woody?"

"What _about_ Woody? He's a nice fella an' all. But I prefer me a good British import." she mumbled, nipping gently at his throat.

"Oh, love. You can't imagine how happy you've made me…" Nigel breathed, wrapping his lean arms around her waist and holding her to him tightly.

"You can't wait to rub this in Woody's face, can you?" she stated.

"No. No I can't."

Jordan laughed cheerfully, leaning her forehead against Nigel's and gazing into his eyes.

"I love you Nigel." she murmured.

"Love you too…"

They kissed, losing themselves in one another's arms and not even noticing that the gang was steadily sneaking back into the room.

"You bugger!" Bug yelled angrily. "What the hell do you think you're doing!"

Nigel looked at Bug and gave him a disdainful stare.

"I believe it's called 'snogging', Buggles me old mate. Surely it's not a foreign concept to you?" Nigel quipped, going back to Jordan.

Bug grumbled exasperatedly.

"Typical. Not only does he steal the limelight for getting injured, but he gets the girl too!"

"Bug." Nigel said.

"Yes Nigel?" Bug growled.

"Go and stick and egg up your nose."

Bug blustered in a very un-Bug-like manner and started toward the object of his irritation. He suddenly felt a strong hand on his shoulder.

"Time to leave, Buggles." a stern Garret ordered, Lily following him closely .

Lily turned to wave goodbye as the threesome disappeared through the door, closing it behind them.

"Alone at last." Nigel purred, nuzzling her neck.

"Alone at last." she agreed.

The promise of a future together bright in their minds, the couple immersed themselves in one another, completely content in ignoring reality and everyone else in the world and perfectly happy to be doing so.

(&&)

Ok, please review. I'd really appreciate it. I am in mourning for my ex-girlfriend who I never really got the chance to love. A little pity for the poor wannabe-British tranny boy bastard?

Oh, and a little note, I wrote this before the Crossing Jordan Season Finale, so don't go around saying I stole the storyline from Woody. Arsehole…. And is anyone else as irritated by the Garret Mistreatment they've had on the show? I am!


End file.
